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Sexting, Sex Tapes & Sexual Exhibitionism: Why have so many folks thrown caution to the wind?

VIDEO CAMERA - FREE MSCELL PHONE - Free MSTime flies. If you were around to see the debut of the classic comedy “Animal House” 35 years ago you are likely feeling a tad old. But like so many great movies, Animal House managed to both reflect and illuminate certain aspects of our culture. And in light of today’s headlines one is tempted to think some of our political leaders have been running their lives as though they live in the Delta Tau Chi fraternity house.

Who can forget Dean Vernon Wormer’s pointed comment to Faber College freshman & Delta Tau Chi member Kent Dorfman that “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son”.

Given the middle-aged shenanigans of more than a few prominent politicians just in the past few years one can’t help but picture them standing in front of Dean Wormer and hearing:

“Old, horny and reckless is no way to go through life, son”

What gives with all these indiscretions? And let’s not just focus on big name powerhouse figures.  I mean, why are so many people of all ages, sexes and ethnicities posting sexually explicit photos and videos on the Web? I’m no prude by any means, but there is something deeply weird and unsettling about the seeming endless stream of people photographing and videotaping what they do behind closed doors and sharing it with the world.

Most are hardly adult movie star material and yet seem almost proud of their (ahem) shortcomings and imperfections. And while some might say it’s a good thing to strike a blow against the Madison Avenue world of plastic smiles & plastic bodies, I somehow do not think the antidote is for people to toss modesty to the wind and share themselves “warts and all”.  I’m sure some do what they do because they think highly of their “performance” and “mentally inflate” their assets. I suspect many if not most have become the butt of cruel putdowns and heartless jokes by Web browsers. I’m also sure some come to deeply regret their actions especially when confronted by a child, grandchild or other relative concerning something explicit they posted long ago and had hoped would somehow disappear with the passage of time (Apparently nothing posted on the Web ever does).

No doubt some of these self-styled sex performers suffer from body image & performance misperceptions if not delusions, but beyond this I have to wonder what else bedevils them. I’m not saying they all have personality defects or struggle with emotional or mental problems or sex addiction, but even so I am pretty sure at least a segment of them do what they do as an expression of narcissism, an attachment style disorder or mood disorder.

One expert on relationships and how reckless sexual behavior can endanger and even derail them, Rabbi Shmuel “Shmuley” Boteach, wrote this in a 2011 Examiner article concerning the sexual antics of Anthony Weiner and Bill Clinton:

These are all men who live with an unending craving for love and incessant need for attention, forever proving themselves, and therefore despising their very existence which involves an eternal feeling of inadequacy and unworthiness. Men who hate themselves this much and strive eternally for the validation of others harbor a secret wish that, in way or another, the inner torment will cease. That’s why they play Russian Roulette with their lives. Anything to dull the pain.

I think in some instances it boils down to something much simpler: In psychology it is well established that rewards (pleasure) derived from any activity makes people want more. This cycle of reward-reinforcement becomes a vicious, ever entrenched cycle for some folks. As they feed it over time they begin to feel helpless to resist and it becomes so normative they may not feel it is a problem (That is, until they get caught doing something that offends their mate or violates a local ordinance or state or federal law). Some become alienated from themselves and those who love and care about them.

To paraphrase a biblical observation concerning unrepentant sinning, their “conscience becomes seared”.

Oh, Choctaw Doc, you’re just conjecturing and in-a-way judging these people without any real evidence. Judging, no. Concerned about, yes. I could dredge up studies to buttress the mental health aspects of this “let it all hang out” social phenomenon, but prefer instead to share real life examples of what sometimes lies beneath the surface in some instances.

I interact with many licensed mental health professionals who occasionally share specific cases that they have found especially troublesome or unnerving (They do not, of course, mention names or details that might reveal their patient’s identities). Here are but a few:

A woman in her 50s sought help with mood swings and eating binges. As her female psychologist dug into her life story, she was told about more than 3 decades of “sexual abandon”. Specifically, her husband had convinced her to “spice up their sex life” first by filming their bedroom life and posting these clips to various websites and, when the thrill wore off of this, pressured her into having sex with other men while he filmed this (“Cuckold lifestyle”). She felt “dirty”, “nasty”, “used” and was “plagued by endless intrusive mental images of degrading sex”. The funny (pathetic) thing was that her husband sent her to therapy because he felt “she has problems, but I don’t”. Yeah.

A young woman in her 20s sought help with depression and insomnia. One of the things her therapist discovered was that this lady was racked with guilt and shame over explicit photos and videos her boyfriend had posted on a very popular porn site. The boyfriend had long since taken a stage left and found a new victim…eh..girlfriend..and left this young woman to live with the torment “giving in” had spawned in her heart and soul.

Now these are just a few examples of the “real world” consequences of “airing one’s peccadilloes”. Many pastoral counselors, priests and rabbis feel the immediate and downstream spiritual damage is even greater and have plenty of their own horror stories that attest to this.

For those who are involved in the sorts of things I’ve shared in this article and have no shame, guilt or concerns, there is no way to convince you that your chickens may come home to roost down the line. Where there is no insight, there can be no realization anything is wrong or could go wrong.

For those who are or have been caught up in these activities and feel shame and regret and/or are experiencing compulsive-additive behavior, my advice is to get thee to a licensed, competent mental health professional who is experienced in helping people with these issues.

And finally, for those of you who are tempted to “play with fire” or who are already doing so but aren’t sure why and don’t feel you need professional evaluation, at least take a few free on-line psych & personality tests to see if you are depressed or have some other issue or tendency such as:

What is your attachment style?  This interactive survey takes about 5 minutes to complete. The questionnaire is designed to measure your ‘attachment style’–the way you relate to others in the context of intimate relationships. When completed, the site will reveal your attachment style, and provide a brief summary of what is known about your attachment style on the basis of contemporary scientific research.

Attachment in Past and Present Relationships

Depression Screening Test by Ivan Goldberg, MD – -brief 18-question online automated quiz to help you determine if you may need to see a mental health professional for diagnosis
and treatment of depression

Cybersex Addiction Test

Internet Addiction Test

Partners of Internet Addicts Test

Sexual Addiction Screening Test (Women)

Sexual Addiction Screening Test (Men)

And here are some books and articles that I believe will prove helpful:

Alienation: Pervasive and insidious

Problems relating well to God & your fellow man? Your attachment style may be a major contributor

The dog you feed the most will dominate your life

Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families by Pamela Paul

Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality by Dr. Gail Dines

The Broken American Male: And How to Fix Him by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Renewal: A Guide to the Values-Filled Life by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Marriage Builders® (Lots of free help on this website)

For those who have a problem or suspect they do, here are a few reputable sources of help:

If you live in southern California one highly regarded clinic that specializes in treating additions of all kinds including sexual is the Alternative Options Counseling Center. Call 562-921-5701 or 714-995-0359 (Outpatient primarily but “partial hospitalization” available for some patients)

Salvation Army (Residential) Rehab Centers (nationwide)

 A simple Google search will likely turn up at least a few qualified therapists and programs in your particular neck-of-the-woods.

 © 2013 by Dr. Anthony G. Payne. All rights reserved.

Alienation: Pervasive and insidious

Take a moment and read through the eight book quotes below.

“Today, concern about man’s alienation is expressed by many: by theologians and philosophers who warn that advanced in scientific knowledge do not enable us to penetrate the mystery of Being, and do not often widen the gulf between the knower and the reality he tries to understand…”  CLICK TO READ MORE

Mind expansion: Recommended Reading

Books - free MS photoPurity of HeartALL THE BOOKS LISTED BELOW ARE ONES READ & RECOMMENDED BY CHOCTAW DOC

CRITICAL THINKING

 

You Are Now Less Dumb: How to Conquer Mob Mentality, How to Buy Happiness, and All the Other Ways to Outsmart Yourself  by David McRaney 

Fads & Fallacies in the Name of Science by Martin Gardner

The Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan, Ph.D.

Snake Oil Science by R. Barker Bausell, Ph.D.

The Scientist As Rebel by Freeman Dyson

Any and All Books by James Randi

Blind Faith: The Unholy Alliance of Religion and Medicine  by Richard P. Sloan, Ph.D.

Ignorance (How It Drives Science) by Dr. Stuart Firestein

Bad Science: Quacks, Hacks, and Big Pharma Flacks by Ben Goldacre, M.D.

A Skeptic’s Guide to the Mind: What NeuroscienceCan and Cannot Tell Us About Ourselves by Robert A. Burton, M.D.

 DEEP ECOLOGY

Deep Ecology: Living As If Nature Mattered by Bill Devall & George Sessions

Deep Ecology for the Twenty-First Century by Bill Sessions

Green Rage: Radical Environmentalism and the Unmaking of Civilization by Christopher Manes

A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold

FICTION (with a powerful message)

House of Earth by Woodie Guthrie

HEALTH & MEDICINE (including stem cell medicine)

Click this link to access Dr. Christopher Centeno’s new 52 page e-book titled “The Stem Cells They Don’t Want You To Have” (FREE download): http://bit.ly/NPlVmZ

Snake Oil Science by R. Barker Bausell, Ph.D.

The Anatomy of Hope: How People Prevail in the Face of Illness by Jerome Groopman, MD

How Doctors Think by Jerome Groopman, MD

Blind Faith: The Unholy Alliance of Religion and Medicine  by Richard P. Sloan, Ph.D.

 HISTORY/POLITICS

1177 B.C.: The Year Civilization Collapsed (Turning Points in Ancient History) by Eric H. Cline

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Mataxas

Hitler’s Furies: German Women in the Nazi Killing Fields by Wendy Lower

Xenophon’s Cyrus the Great (The Arts of Leadership & War) edited by Larry Hedrick

Eyewitness Auschwitz: Three Years in the Gas Chambers by Filip Muller

The Swerve: How the World Became Modern by Dr. Stephen Greenblatt

The Un-Civil War: Shattering the Historical Myths by Leonard M. Scruggs

Slavery Remembered: A Record of Twentieth-Century Slave Narratives by Paul D. Escott

Worse Than War: Genocide, Eliminationism, and the Ongoing Assault on Humanity by Dr. Daniel J. Goldhagen

Custer Died for Your Sins: An Indian Manifesto by Vine Deloria, Jr.

The Face of Imperialism by Michael Parenti, Ph.D.

The Rich And The Rest Of Us: A Poverty Manifesto by Travis Smiley & Dr. Cornel West

The Ideological Origins of the American Revolution by Bernard Bailyn

Narrative of the Life of David Crockett of the State of Tennessee by David Crockett

HUMAN NATURE & PSYCHOLOGY

Amish Peace: Simple Wisdom for a Complicated World by Suzanne Woods Fisher

Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives — How Your Friends’ Friends’ Friends Affect Everything You Feel, Think, and Do by Nicholas A. Christakis, MD, PhD, James H. Fowler, PhD

You Are Now Less Dumb: How to Conquer Mob Mentality, How to Buy Happiness, and All the Other Ways to Outsmart Yourself  by David McRaney     

The Self Beyond Itself: An Alternative History of Ethics, the New Brain Sciences, and the Myth of Free Will by Heidi M. Ravven, Ph.D.

The Self Illusion: How the Social Brain Creates Identity by Bruce Hood, Ph.D.

The Illusion of Conscious Will by Dr. Daniel M. Wegner

What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire by Daniel Bergner

A Skeptic’s Guide to the Mind: What NeuroscienceCan and Cannot Tell Us About Ourselves by Robert A. Burton, M.D.

The Archaeology of Mind: Neuroevolutionary Origins of Human Emotions by Drs. Jaak Panksepp & Lucy Biven

The Believing Brain: From Ghosts and Gods to Politics and Conspiracies—How We Construct Beliefs and Reinforce Them as Truths by Michael Shermer, Ph.D.

50 Popular Beliefs That People Think Are True by Guy P. Harrison

Why Everyone (Else) Is a Hypocrite: Evolution and the Modular Mind by Robert Kurzban, Ph.D.

Supernormal Stimuli: How Primal Urges Overran Their Evolutionary Purpose by Deirdre Barrett, Ph.D.

The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty by Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen

Hitler’s Furies: German Women in the Nazi Killing Fields by Wendy Lower

Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families by Pamela Paul

Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality by Dr. Gail Dines

Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto by Anneli Rufus

The Lucifer Effect by Philip Zimbardo, Ph.D.

The Biology of Belief by Dr. Joseph Giovannoli

Man’s Search for Ultimate Meaning by Viktor Frankl, M.D., Ph.D.

Faces in the Clouds by Stewart Guthrie, Ph.D.

 RELIGION/SPIRITUALITY

Purity of Heart by Rev. Bert M. Farias [In “Purity of Heart” Rev. Farias eloquently states things which, I daresay, most mainstream and even many Charismatic and neopentecostal congregations either gloss over, tiptoe around or mangle (oftentimes resulting in their landing in the thorn patch of profound legalism). Two thumbs up and kudos to Rev. Farias, whose ministry website is http://holy-fire.org/]

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Mataxas

Amish Peace: Simple Wisdom for a Complicated World by Suzanne Woods Fisher

Finding Sanctuary (Monastic Steps for Everyday Life) by Abbot Christopher Jamison

Breakthrough Faith: Living a Life Where Anything is Possible by Larry Sparks

PSALM 83, The Missing Prophecy Revealed – How Israel Becomes the Next Mideast Superpower by Bill Salus

Sooner Than You Think: A Prophetic Guide to the End Times by Sid Roth

The Sayings of the Desert Fathers: The Alphabetical Collection by Benedicta Ward

Jesus’ Words Only (Free in its entirety on-line) by Douglas J. Del Tondo, Esq.

My spiritual watering hole website: http://summerclouds.weebly.com/

The Jesus Dynasty: The Hidden History of Jesus, His Royal Family, and the Birth of Christianity by Dr. James D. Tabor

Blood Kin of Jesus (James and the Lost Jewish Church) by Kenneth Hanson, Ph.D.

Paul and Jesus: How the Apostle Transformed Christianity  by Dr. James D. Tabor

The Brother of Jesus and the Lost Teachings of Christianity by Rev. Jeffrey J. Bϋtz

Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth by Reza Aslan, Ph.D.

How Jesus Became Christian by Barrie Wilson, Ph.D.

Saving Jesus from the Church: How to Stop Worshiping Christ and Start Following Jesus by Dr. Robin R. Meyers

The Bible Against Itself: Why the Bible Seems to Contradict Itself  by Dr. Randel McCraw Helms

Forged: Writing in the Name of God–Why the Bible’s Authors Are Not Who We Think They Are by Bart D. Ehrman, Ph.D.

The Ancient Roots of Christianity: A Native American’s Look Through Christianity by my fellow Choctaw Nation Tribal member, Rainbow Eagle

God and His Demons by Michael Parenti, Ph.D.

The Real Kosher Jesus: Revealing the mysteries of the Hidden Messiah by Michael L. Brown, Ph.D.

The Harbinger: Fact or Fiction? by David James

The Rainbow Covenant: Torah and the Seven Universal Laws by Michael Ellias Dallen, Esq.

Faces in the Clouds by Stewart Guthrie, Ph.D.

Rats in the Cosmic Laboratory: Is God A Scientist? by Dr. A. G. Payne

Hitler and HaShem (The Almighty) by Dr. Anthony G. Payne

Heart of a Missionary by Dr. A.G. Payne

The Spiritual Aspect of Holistic Medicine by Dr. A. G. Payne

Religion is not about God by Prof. Loyal Rue

The Secret Origins of the Bible by Tim Callahan

Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith  by George E. Vaillant, M.D.

The Undercover Philosopher by Michael Philips

Why We Believe What We Believe by Andrew Newberg, MD and Mark Robert Waldman

 “WALKING AROUND THINKING ABOUT STUFF”

Extended Being (Examiner article) by Choctaw Doc

EXTENDED BEING WEBSITE: http://extendbeing.weebly.com/

Alienation: Pervasive and insidious  (Examiner article) by Choctaw Doc

Blind Faith: The Unholy Alliance of Religion and Medicine  by Richard P. Sloan, Ph.D.

“Living Longer, Yes! But, Living Well?” by Choctaw Doc

Fascination with Dying and Death as Participation by Choctaw Doc

Is an attachment style problem complicating or undermining your life? (Examiner article) by ChoctawDoc

Dark times and the allure of evil  (Examiner article) by Choctaw Doc

EXAMINER ARTICLES by Choctaw Doc: CAM, Diet, Prevention, Sex

LINKS TO EXAMINER ARTICLES

CAM (Complimentary & Alternative Medicine)

All that glitters is not gold in “AltMed Land” (Examiner article)

A home remedy for insomnia that appears to work (Examiner article)

DIET

 The key to avoiding many chronic diseases (Examiner article) 

KNOW YOURSELF & OTHERS BETTER

Alienation: Pervasive and insidious  (Examiner article) by Choctaw Doc

Extended Being (Examiner article) by Choctaw Doc

PREVENTION

 The key to avoiding many chronic diseases (Examiner article)

SEXUAL ISSUES

 Sex: We feed but can we tame the bulldog? (Examiner article)

Is an attachment style problem complicating or undermining your life? (Examiner article)

SPIRITUALITY

Did the Almighty send an emissary to the ancient Cahokians?

 

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